yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
