the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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