Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
