We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
