when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
