Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
