Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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