fuck your aforementioned shoe
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
