I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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