Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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