remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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