Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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