I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
