I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
