It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
