i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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