is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
BRING THE BAGELS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
