Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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