...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
