You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Randomize
