So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
