So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
