I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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