I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
