My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
