Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
