ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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