Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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