Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
