Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
