I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
