I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize