I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
