I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
