I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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