just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
