There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
