3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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