I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love you. Go after that dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
