I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
