i think my tv is drunk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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