I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
