how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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