we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
