Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize