Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
