A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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