So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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