After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
