Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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