im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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