It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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