I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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