8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
