my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
