Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
