why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
