Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize