I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
