can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
