he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so let's talk penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
