maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
