Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
