There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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