guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
