So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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