If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
