I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
