i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
