i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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