so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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