She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
